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Frustrating Blessings

      Sometimes being a home-school mom is frustratingly hard work, other times it is the blessing God intended it to be. Regardless of how I feel about it on a day to day basis, I know that I am doing what God has called me to do. When my kids went to public school I never thought in a million years that I would be the one to home-school. I was never one of those moms who allowed my kids to call me mommy, I didn't love on and hug on them all the time, never baby talked them and saw their faults for what they were. I was never much of an emotional person except anger and frustration. I am still like that to a point, but I have changed a lot since I let Jesus Christ be the Lord of my life. When the school that my children went to started treating my kids as if they were mediocre and didn't matter, that is when God started talking to me. I know that sounds freaky to some, but I know it was Him. He told me that in order for me to make the changes necessary in my life, I needed to be with my kids all day, everyday. BOOM! That was a shock and I fought against it with my very being...I mean I couldn't wait for them to go to school everyday so that I could have ME time and do what I wanted to do. This home-school thing was going to infringe on MY time, MY resources and eeek! I would have to be with MY kids! His call was almost relentless. Finally I submitted MY will to Him and MY life at that point became HIS Will.
       I have been plagued by doubts and frustrations. Sometimes I want to run away and check into a mental hospital, because it would be more calm than my house. I don't have a lot of patience. I don't continually speak words of encouragement and love over everyone I come into contact with on a daily basis. I would like to and I strive to change the way I think, but I will never live up to other's expectations on what they believe a home-school mom's life should be. I get irritated and cranky. I am tired more often than energized. I have daily arguments and bombardments of complaints from my son who is 11. I try to study God's Word on a daily basis in between teaching, refereeing, phone calls and distractions of other people's neediness. It is a crazy, busy, challenging and very difficult life God has chosen for me...but the blessings far outweigh the bad and I am so grateful to God for this life with my kids and to truly understand what His Will for my life was and is....and is yet to come. Thank You Jesus for being the Lord of my life...

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